So, said Brian Soper at last weeks club meeting, come down at 2pm on Saturday and I will take you out in the new 991. Tommo disappointedly mumbled that he had some intricate wallpapering to do on Saturday so wouldn't be able to attend.
I duly arrived in the car park at a prompt 1.45 to see Brian just disappearing with some customers in a Cayenne Turbo. I sat for a few minutes and then a gleaming silver 997 C4S drew in with Tommo at the wheel. He had managed to get out of the wallpapering- what a surprise!
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We downed the contents of the fridge and coffee machine whilst Brian returned and sat at a desk with his clients doing the smiling, handshaking and form filling routine, regularly disappearing into the bowels of the offices to see an invisible 'manager'. He eventually came over to us with a smug grin on his face which said 'I've just got rid of a Cayenne Turbo'
We headed out to the car park with Brian frantically looking at door mirrors to get the right car. We eventually found it amongst the other 911 clones, a well dirtied C2S demonstrator in white. It was equipped with a Vorsprung Durch Technic Doppleganger Heil Hitler gearbox which I think is quick.
First impressions are typical 911 although a bit larger. This was not apparent however as we tried to get the seat forward and shoehorn Tommos Adonis like 14 stone of muscle, sinew and red wine into the token rear seat past the dangling seat belt.
I electricked the seat back after untangling it from the sun visor, dislocating Tommos knee and crushing his wedding tackle in the process. I think he mumbled- you will have to move forward a bit- but took no notice as my short legs were firmly jammed under the glove box and my nose was making one of those greasy marks on the windscreen.
Brian turned the key with a flourish and amidst much bleeping the dashboard lit up like Meadowhall at Christmas, the engine turned over, started and emitted an Alsation like growl.
We pulled onto the road and with much paddle flapping and flailing of elbows we were soon on the M621 sliproad at Warp speed 3 with the Alsation growling at the rear.
This car can lap that ring thing in Bavaria quicker than a 997GT3 said Brian proudly as he undertook three cars on their way to Starbucks or Macdonalds. Expect a glut of pristine, low mileage, used GT3's in a showroom near you, I thought!!
Brian pressed a button on the Panamera-esque console marked 'sport' and we immediately gained a Rottweiler and half a Pit Bull from the exhaust. He also pressed a button with a shock absorber drawn on it which, he assured us, would get us round the next M621 roundabout at least half a second quicker.
He threw it round the next roundabout and ,yes, it can corner in a ' I've got more electronics than Maplins and more rubber than a Durex factory' sort of way. My mind flicked onto my Elise which corners in a ' I'm light with a brilliant aluminium chassis and low CG' sort of way.
We pulled back into the car park and I extricated a green looking Tommo from the back seat. We said our thank yous to Brian, promising that we would be buying one each in about 5 years time. I then had a brain wave- lets take the old 996 C4 on the same route, give it the beans and see how it compares! Tommo reluctantly got in, memories of Oulton Park as a passenger in the Lotus still fresh in his mind.
At a remapped 345 horse versus 400 for the 991 I was a bit down on power but the red seat belts and embossed Porsche crests on the seats would see to that and the lowered and stiffened MO30 sports suspension should sort out that shock absorber button thing. I was however a bit concerned about the Dunlop Kojaks on the back- they soon need changing.
Mmmm, nice leather in here said Tommo, fingering the dash. Yes, I said smugly, its got the upgraded natural leather interior, hasn't yours got that?
We set off, the exhaust burbling mutedly like a poodle with laryngitis as I did my button pressing thing with the Tiptronic gearbox. Wow, the old gal can shift when asked and we were soon passing potential B & Q customers on the inside just like the 991.
Roundabouts were dispensed at high speed with tyre shredding ease as Tommo became ever greener. Between two such roundabouts Tommo announced that we were doing the same illegal speed as the 991 had.
I duly arrived in the car park at a prompt 1.45 to see Brian just disappearing with some customers in a Cayenne Turbo. I sat for a few minutes and then a gleaming silver 997 C4S drew in with Tommo at the wheel. He had managed to get out of the wallpapering- what a surprise!![
]We downed the contents of the fridge and coffee machine whilst Brian returned and sat at a desk with his clients doing the smiling, handshaking and form filling routine, regularly disappearing into the bowels of the offices to see an invisible 'manager'. He eventually came over to us with a smug grin on his face which said 'I've just got rid of a Cayenne Turbo'
We headed out to the car park with Brian frantically looking at door mirrors to get the right car. We eventually found it amongst the other 911 clones, a well dirtied C2S demonstrator in white. It was equipped with a Vorsprung Durch Technic Doppleganger Heil Hitler gearbox which I think is quick.
First impressions are typical 911 although a bit larger. This was not apparent however as we tried to get the seat forward and shoehorn Tommos Adonis like 14 stone of muscle, sinew and red wine into the token rear seat past the dangling seat belt.
I electricked the seat back after untangling it from the sun visor, dislocating Tommos knee and crushing his wedding tackle in the process. I think he mumbled- you will have to move forward a bit- but took no notice as my short legs were firmly jammed under the glove box and my nose was making one of those greasy marks on the windscreen.
Brian turned the key with a flourish and amidst much bleeping the dashboard lit up like Meadowhall at Christmas, the engine turned over, started and emitted an Alsation like growl.
We pulled onto the road and with much paddle flapping and flailing of elbows we were soon on the M621 sliproad at Warp speed 3 with the Alsation growling at the rear.
This car can lap that ring thing in Bavaria quicker than a 997GT3 said Brian proudly as he undertook three cars on their way to Starbucks or Macdonalds. Expect a glut of pristine, low mileage, used GT3's in a showroom near you, I thought!!
Brian pressed a button on the Panamera-esque console marked 'sport' and we immediately gained a Rottweiler and half a Pit Bull from the exhaust. He also pressed a button with a shock absorber drawn on it which, he assured us, would get us round the next M621 roundabout at least half a second quicker.
He threw it round the next roundabout and ,yes, it can corner in a ' I've got more electronics than Maplins and more rubber than a Durex factory' sort of way. My mind flicked onto my Elise which corners in a ' I'm light with a brilliant aluminium chassis and low CG' sort of way.
We pulled back into the car park and I extricated a green looking Tommo from the back seat. We said our thank yous to Brian, promising that we would be buying one each in about 5 years time. I then had a brain wave- lets take the old 996 C4 on the same route, give it the beans and see how it compares! Tommo reluctantly got in, memories of Oulton Park as a passenger in the Lotus still fresh in his mind.
At a remapped 345 horse versus 400 for the 991 I was a bit down on power but the red seat belts and embossed Porsche crests on the seats would see to that and the lowered and stiffened MO30 sports suspension should sort out that shock absorber button thing. I was however a bit concerned about the Dunlop Kojaks on the back- they soon need changing.
Mmmm, nice leather in here said Tommo, fingering the dash. Yes, I said smugly, its got the upgraded natural leather interior, hasn't yours got that?
We set off, the exhaust burbling mutedly like a poodle with laryngitis as I did my button pressing thing with the Tiptronic gearbox. Wow, the old gal can shift when asked and we were soon passing potential B & Q customers on the inside just like the 991.
Roundabouts were dispensed at high speed with tyre shredding ease as Tommo became ever greener. Between two such roundabouts Tommo announced that we were doing the same illegal speed as the 991 had.
