A Little Wednesday humour - based on facts

[LBD]

NINE
WORDS WOMEN USE



(1)
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.



(2)
Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



(3)
Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

(4)
Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!



(5)
Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)



(6)
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a
women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



(7)
Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or
faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,
unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking
you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').



(8)
Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying forget YOU! (I changed this a little)



(9)
Don't worry about it,
I got it:
Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.

 

[Jane Smart]

[]All so true

 

[944s2]

OK
He says: "We should see other people just so we know we are right for each other."
He means: I think I am interested in someone else, and I don't want you to feel I am being deceitful.

He says: "Are you close to your family?"
He means: Have you talked about me yet? And, are you bringing me home to meet them?

He says: "Let's meet at the bar, I'll be there with friends."
He means: I don't want to give you the wrong idea, this is by no means a date.

He says: "We are separated, but we are still living together due to financial reasons."
He means: I want it all. My family and you.

He says: "I can't see you on the weekends because I like to spend time with my friends, but we can go out during the week."
He means: I have other plans on the weekends, and I am not willing to make you a priority quite yet.

He says: "I would love to be intimate with you, but I don't want it to ruin our friendship."
He means: The thought of sleeping with you doesn't interest me, but since I do enjoy hanging out, I am letting you down as gently as possible.

He says: "You have such perfect lips."
He means: I can't wait to kiss them all night long.

He says: "I don't mind if you go out with the girls. Seriously, have a great time tonight."
He means: I will be going out with the boys, either tonight or in the near future and you won't be able to say anything about it.

He says: "Guys check you out all the time, I am so lucky to be with you."
He means: Please reassure me that you are not interested in anyone else. I have too much pride to ask.

He says: "I really love our time together."
He means: You are very special to me and I want to keep seeing you.

He says: "Call me after girl's night out, I want to make sure you get home okay."
He means: I want to make sure you are in lockdown and home alone!

He says: "I meant to call you this weekend, but I lost track of time."
He means: I didn't lose track of time, I just didn't feel like it.

He says: "Give me a call sometime."
He means: I am not interested enough to chase you, but you can chase me if you want to.

He says: "I don't like to cuddle after sleeping with you."
He means: I have no problem sleeping with you, but I am not capable of displaying my emotional feelings at this point.

Or

I love you. --> I want to make sweet love to you.
I like you. --> I want to make sweet love to you.
You are beautiful. --> Now let's make sweet love!
You look lovely today. --> Let's hump!
You're amazing. --> Now let's get naked and get in bed!
Get me some dinner. --> Get me some dinner.
Give me the remote control. --> Give me the remote control.
Don't stand in front of the tv while I'm watching football. --> Seriously, stand in front of the tv again and you can pay a visit to the hospital.
Look honey, I bought you some flowers. --> I f####d someone else and I try to feel less guilty about it.

Sit back and wait for flack[][]

 

[jamirrorquai]

I love the lists but I can't help thinking there are some very important ones missing.


WOMAN

Says - Does my bum look big in this
Means - Silence, I KILL YOU!

Says - My mom is coming to stay this weekend
Means - I have made you pay enough for leaving the toilet seat up, so now
my mom is joing the fight

Says - It didn't cost that much
Means - You better take on more work to keep me in the life style I am
accustomed too

Says - I love you
Means - I love you


MAN


Says - Isn't my co*k big
Means - Please, Please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say it is

Says - Why don't we invite your mom to stay
Means - If I say this, you might put out ?

Says - I saved a fortune
Means - I am never going to use it and I will find it in the shed in abot 4 years.

Says - I love you
Means - Am I crazy, what did I say that for, now she will want to bloody cuddle

 

[Jane Smart]

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

 

[944s2]

[][][]

 

[lauris]

ORIGINAL: LBD

NINE
WORDS WOMEN USE



(1)
Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.



(2)
Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



(3)
Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

(4)
Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!



(5)
Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)



(6)
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a
women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



(7)
Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or
faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,
unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking
you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').



(8)
Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying forget YOU! (I changed this a little)



(9)
Don't worry about it,
I got it:
Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.

WTF didnt you give me the instruction manual to you years ago ! life would have been alot easier !

[]
sx