BillMain
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The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his
zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant
walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your
house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he
knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office
puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was
open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's
question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to
ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer
parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini
van with two flat tires.'
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number
of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman
to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be
really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!'
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on
a bench under a tree when one t urns to the other and
says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches
and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
[FONT=century gothic"]An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the
kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we
went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the n ame of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?'
![[FONT=verdana,geneva"]](/forum/styles/default/pcgb/space.gif ". [FONT=verdana,geneva\"]")
[FONT=century gothic"] Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found
one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed
with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help
to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me
wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things
down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from
his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember
it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,
write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for
goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the
old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and
eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma
and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful.'
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