MAD MANX - A Halloween Horror story?
Hello again Porsche playmates and thank you Roger.
Now then all what have we here?
Well ........
Having sought out the right opportunity to raise with Mrs T the subject of our funding sources for the forthcoming 2022 trip to the IOM and to thoroughly thrash out with her some of the more salient points in greater detail I have to report Porsche playmates that a much clearer understanding of the matter, on my part at least has, according to my better half been jointly established.
A full and frank exchange of views has now indeed taken place between the two of us where incidentally I might add that quarter was neither asked nor given (just between ourselves playmates I had decided at the outset to be very firm but completely fair with her about this - whilst resolutely standing my ground of course ......that good old solid old indomitable British Bulldog spirit coming to the fore yet again!).
It would seem that I have now come to learn that this meeting of minds was a very significant personal epiphany moment which having been forcefully driven in and impacted deeply within me I accept that it has served to instill in my mind a much more rounded and more complete appreciation of not only my role within the T family unit but also my standing within our domestic hierarchy as a whole.
Imagine playmates it is a little bit like when the penal camp governor in the film Cool Hand Luke says to the Paul Newman recently recaptured prisoner character '......You got to get your mind right Luke......' it is a very moving scene which still resonates with me today.
However, suffice it to say that as a direct consequence of my albeit surprisingly brief discussion with Mrs T I have since found it necessary to consult my GP regarding certain physical health issues which have somewhat unexpectedly and rather mysteriously arisen. We can never quite anticipate just what lies around that corner ahead of us can we playmates?
Having been subjected to a thorough going over by someone who really knows what they are about my GP has advised me that when my nose eventually stops bleeding the eminent Consultant Surgeon Mr Herdit Allbefore and his expert team to whom I will shortly be greatly indebted (especially if the private medical insurance plans fails to cough up) will rather promisingly be able to make a very good job of getting it straight again and with only a modicum of cosmetic surgery to boot.
After going through all of this with me my GP then went on to say that the extensive bruising and swelling around my eyes will diminish significantly over the next couple of weeks or so and in due course I will be able to fully open them again and to see properly without any pain or lasting damage.
I felt very lucky to also learn from him that by sheer good fortune (.......a case of my being in the right place at the right time...... if ever there was one eh playmates? Its just a knack I that I seem to have) my fractured jaw should not require any surgery at all although the dosage of pain killers my GP has prescribed may need increasing in the short to medium term - moving forwards (luckily - there we go again - these are non addictive).
The two upper right molars which became dislodged when I apparently and somewhat inadvertently came into contact with what I seem to vaguely recall as being Mrs T's tightly clenched fist (although she has explained she was only trying to prevent me from falling on top of her as I appeared to suddenly faint or black out - strangely I remember my eyes wouldn't seem to open at the time) can be replaced with very realistic looking implants when my jaw has fully healed and I can then have them crowned should I wish ...... but then having already been crowned this is an experience I would not readily chose to repeat.
I also mentioned to my GP my state of ongoing confusion and total inability to clearly recall what had happened to me directly following my suggestion to Mrs T that she take up temporary shelf filling duties at our local Aldi until Christmas and possibly into the New Year as a means of effectively contributing to our IOM funding. He was of the opinion that my injuries were consistent with someone having lost their senses and then subsequently sustaining a prolonged series of inter-related severe physical blows and trauma all of which may have occurred as I fell following my blackout. Playmates it just goes to show what a fine line we follow as we course along life's challenging highway - be prepared and always expect the unexpected is what I say.
He further explained that when the pain associated with the angry looking visibly pronounced swelling and general discomfort in my groin (the old 'y' front region - strange to have some sort of sensation again down in an area that I had almost forgotten about) eventually subsides I should find that I will be able to walk properly again and then once I am back up on my feet my former rather sprightly (for a pensioner) posture and balance will be restored. I must say that the sight of bright red blood flowing in my urine has added a new dimension to what it feels like to be taking a p***s.
He was not unduly concerned about my apparent sudden loss of consciousness and said it was a good job Mrs T had been there on hand and able to keep me where I needed to be kept and that I need not report my lapse to the DVLA. This was really great news and just the tonic I needed (......lucky me again eh playmates?) as it meant that as soon as I can get all of the vandal damage that was inflicted on my 996 whilst it was parked up in our garage repaired - oddly this occurred on the same day I fell over - there were no signs of a break in - I will be able to drive it again.
What a result!
Playmates my head was full of magic and excitement when I heard this news!
As regards the scratches on my face, the numerous bite marks, flesh punctures, general lacerations, extensive bruising and what appears to be pressure marks around my throat and neck my GP has assure me these will all gradually fade and diminish over time although one or two of the deeper teeth imprints may leave minor scars.
Mrs T has described to me how Blondi our faithful old German Shepherd sprang to her defense the moment he saw me apparently moving aggressively (or so he thought bless him) towards her just at the precise moment when I was in fact passing out and falling on top of her - apparently. Playmates there is no need to worry here - it was only to be expected as this amazing dog has been expertly trained by Mrs T to do this should anyone foolishly ever decide to try and assault her and after a few minutes she was able to successfully call him off - another bit of incredible good luck for me and a good job I knew nothing about it at the time!.
I really do think that the advanced attack dog handling classes, the self defense training and the kick boxing sessions Mrs T regularly attends are extremely beneficial and will pay dividends for her in the long run - I know that I wouldn't ever want to tangle with her especially if matters ever got out of hand and she felt threatened.
My scalp will of course not take very long to grow back all of the missing tufts of hair but my GP did suggest that I may want to consider restyling it in order to conceal the cauliflower ear I now seem to sport although upon learning this Mrs T did suggest quite vociferously that she felt it would look better if she were to give me another one at the other side to match. I am not entirely convinced this is the best thing to do at present.
Whilst I am thinking about canine related matters playmates - I seem of late to be experiencing these extremely disturbing utterly horrific nightmare flashback images of me being relentlessly pursued by what I can only describe as a terrifying vicious bloodthirsty phantom-like Hell Hound ......an utter abomination a sort of horrible genderless slobbering mutant part animal part human creature and ....... as I painfully hobble desperately towards my parked 996 I am frantically pressing the door key remote ...... the creature is closing in on me ...... and its .....not working ......the key its not working......its not opening the door!!!
This happened to me again only the other night - I woke up abruptly with an involuntary jolt in a state of total frantic panic just as it seemed the creature was about to sink its huge gore dripping fangs into my cringing helpless body - I was completely alone there was no sign of Mrs T - it was completely dark. I was shivering alarmingly and convulsed with fear dripping ice cold sweat from every pore and as I sat up with a start I suddenly felt a sharp blow to the top of my head.
Now lets face it playmates I'm an old feller been around a fair bit and seen a lot - got the tee shirt long ago etc etc you all know the story by now......and I don't believe in the supernatural at all but......and yes I have heard all about the hairy handed gent who ran amuck in Kent who hasn't?......but this is South Yorkshire for goodness sake......isn't it?......good old R7 territory and people just don't behave like that around here ......anymore.....er ......well the odd one or two still might......BMW owners mainly I think.
In my completely dazed and utterly confused situation I began to gradually become aware of laughter......very faint at first.....somewhere distant......far off......growing louder.....from above......cackling almost insane high pitched maniacal female laughter - yes definitely female. Suddenly.....the shocking realisation came to me......it was all beginning to make some kind of obscure convoluted sense......my surroundings......yes ......I knew where I was ......yes I recognised that familiar smell .......yes I knew exactly where I was - I was outside the house in the garden - somehow I had only gone and managed to find my way into ......Blondi's kennel!!!!!!
Quite how long I had been there I simply couldn't tell......but playmates this was clearly a very serious situation indeed.
I gazed up at the strangely full moon and in the unearthly silence hesitantly wondered what next?
A chillingly cold grey mist began to drift across the garden.
Walkies ......anyone?
To be continued.....perhaps?
Aaaaoooooohh!!!!!! as I believe they have been heard to say.
Zeusy.
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