materialistic or what

[Jane Smart]

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and
calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head indisgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice
anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche
owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Londoner looks down in horror.

'F***ING HELL!' he screams........'Where's my Rolex????...

 

[Peter_Bull]

Excellent - nice one Jane!! [][][]

 

[tscaptain]

On the other hand...........

[FONT=comic sans ms"]Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.
"I'll give you an airplane ride for £5," said the pilot.
"Sorry, cannae afford it," replied Jock.
"Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it'll be £10."
So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, "Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!"
"Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!"

 

[Jane Smart]

[] Good one Alan!!

A bit like the one, at a funeral procession, a dog on a lead is behind the hearse, with a crowd of people following behind that. One guy asks what happened, he said, oh that dog killed the guys wife and mother in law.

The man asked if he could borrow the dog and the reply was, you will need to join that queue!!

( sorry I am rubbish at telling jokes, that one was told to me yesterday [] )

 

[tscaptain]

And then there's....
[FONT=comic sans ms"]A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says
"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"
He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

 

[mex99]

I have a Porsche and a Rolex and was brought up in London - am I doomed!!!

 

[kitchens]

Give us your post code and we will sent the boy's down ....... and change all that [][]

 

[tscaptain]

And this morning......
[FONT=comic sans ms"] Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
[FONT=comic sans ms"](Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)[/b]
[FONT=comic sans ms"]The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.[/b]
[FONT=comic sans ms"]The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'[/b]