Porsche's new Cayman coupe is hugely significant, not only because it gives the German sports car maker a fourth model line and hence something for Autocar to use as a cover story for the next six months, but also because it allows the company to maintain its lead in having the most confusing model line up in the world. "That's right," agreed a spokesman, somewhat unnecessarily. "For too long we have ignored customers who want a Porsche that almost looks like a 911, that's almost as fast as a 911 and costs almost as much as a 911 but that isn't a 911. And now they can buy one. Almost".
The Cayman's introduction will come as a relief to Porsche management who had privately expressed concern that the company's range was losing its edge, in particular against child's plaything sports car manufacturer TVR which has maintained a strong confusion edge with a range of models that are all about the same size and price and performance for no explicable reason whatsoever.
In the past Porsche's confusion performance had entirely to revolve around the 911 range itself with a needless and baffling proliferation of two- and four-wheel-drive variants featuring slightly difference engines, power outputs, body styles and funny spoiler things on the leading edge of the bonnet. Spies say the Cayman finally allows the Boxster platform to play a crucial role in spreading confusion, along with the Cayenne, the success of which continues to confuse everyone because it's completely irrelevant and looks shit.
