BMW Drivers

[John Sims]

From what I understand under 8 mins is a pretty fair feat in any car, let alone one for under £15K?

 

[RC18B 911 turbo]

They still haven't completed a lap of the 'ring in under eight mins and it has cost I think nearly £25K in doing so well so far anyway.

 

[John Sims]

Perhaps they would do better to spend the money on lesons or put Sabine or Walter in the car. []

 

[rob.kellock]

ORIGINAL: Peter Bull

ORIGINAL: rob.kellock
you mean gets? [][][][][]

Rob, don't you mean: You mean gets? [][][][][][]

Touche! No, I meant "Do you mean gets?". Look forward to seeing you on the Cotswold rally, if not before (we can both face the wrath of the 944 register who I secretly want to win).

Slightly back on thread, I was once advised on a Law Society management course to avoid BMW clients at all costs - Bitchers Moaners and Whiners. Not worth the trouble apparently[]

 

[DivineE]

ORIGINAL: carlmthompson

Oh, and if you ask my work colleagues they'll tell you I drive scary (I have pointed out that I am trained to Advanced standard and they are not, so probably they shouldn't comment[]), but I don't drive a BM at the moment, so that's proof that anything can be scary (even a Focus Diesel Estate!)

Not that I mean this to sound representative of your driving in any way. You clearly already have one up on the chap I'm referring to (in that you own a 944), but quite possibly the worst driver I've ever met was an IAM instructor who drove a diesel focus!

Within 2 minutes of being in the car with him I had clearly established that this guy was WAY too far up his own **** to actually pay any attention to the road.
Now don't get me wrong he must have worked very hard to pass his test and become an instructor but he was definitely NOT a natural driver.

He spent the majority of the time looking at me (rather than the road) and telling me how wonderful he was, he commented on how powerful this new diesel focus was compared to his last car (Fiat Uno?) and how it took a level of skill to 'make good progress' by this he meant reaching the speed limit between two roundabouts spaced nearly a mile apart and then jerkily braking early and reaching to change down through the gears in the most spasmodic way I have ever seen (reaching his whole arm right over the gear stick and grabbing it from the front?!). At one point on a narrow road as he was explaining the theory of coming out wide into the bends to improve visibility he actually locked up the brakes triggering the ABS to avoid hitting a car that had come round the corner to see a focus in the middle of the road!

By the end of the drive I feared for my life and had clearly established that there was a BIG difference between knowing the theory (which is for the most part is simple common sense that any good driver applies anyway) and understanding the theory.

He then completely totalled any shred of hope I had in his character as we drove back into the instructing car park and he said with a sneer of disgust on his face
"Look at that Porsche over there, I drove one of those once and hated it. What is the point in driving an uncomfortable car like that on the road when you can't go over 60 these days anyway?" That just about summed up the level of his knowledge to me. So I said thank you, got out of his car into mine and drove off!

Ben

 

[mik_ok]

ORIGINAL: sawood12

Incidentally I remember reading a few articles in a serial in Evo magazine a year or so ago where they wanted to buy and prepare a car capable of lapping the ring in under eight minutes for £15k. They ended up going for one of the M3 models (the square one that looks like the car off Mad Max). I wonder if they could have done it alot cheaper by going for a 944 turbo? According to the website Dave of Northloop has lapped the ring in 8m19s in a standard turbo (with the already legendary Performance Friction brake pads). I'm sure you could easily shave the 19 secs off with a few relatively cheap mods to achieve that goal for alot less than £15k. I never did finish reading the series so never got to find out if they did it or not.

Not yet.

It's Jethro's E36 M3 (non evo), that they got for £5K and has now been pretty heavily modified. They did consider a 944T apparently but decided it was too old.

 

[Neil Haughey]

I agree Ben, a friend of mine tried to get me in the IAM but to be honest it looked less interesting then talking about sheep dips and Massey Ferguson transfer boxes with the local farmers! This friend has all the certificates and things but to be honest he is no better driver then any one particular person I can think of and we are not talking about performance driving here, just A to B stuff.

 

[rajagger]

Or those who indicate back into the inside lane on a motorway. But at least they go back into the inside lane, which is a criticism I can level towards anyone who has grown up south of Leeds and therefore is used to driving on roads with 3 lanes + (and therefore think the inside lane is for anything over 7.5 tonnes, 2CV's and Trabants)

I know it well - drive it every day in my BMW flashing my light on the outside lane!!!!!!! [][][]

 

[Neil Haughey]

ORIGINAL: DivineE
He then completely totalled any shred of hope I had in his character as we drove back into the instructing car park and he said with a sneer of disgust on his face
"Look at that Porsche over there, I drove one of those once and hated it. What is the point in driving an uncomfortable car like that on the road when you can't go over 60 these days anyway?" That just about summed up the level of his knowledge to me. So I said thank you, got out of his car into mine and drove off!

Ben

Yup, bloke once said to me he drove a 964 C4 and didn't like it coz they don't handle properly etc. etc.. His performance car choice was an Audi diesel estate.

 

[John Sims]

Obviously there are good and bad in every field. (BMW Drivers aside [])

I used to think IAM (or IFG) was for Civil Servants, and other associated pompous nerdy types, until I tried to chase an IAM instructor across the Pennienes. I had more power and I was a Racing Driver so how hard was that going to be? After an hour, when he stopped to let me catch up, I arrived a sweating wreck and he was casually leaning on his car, puffing on a roll up and soaking up the sun, as if he had just been down to the shops.

Subsequently, he came in my car and a gang of 944's were following. Armed with almost Jedi like intuition this guy read the road ahead way beyond where most people would be looking five minutes later. As a result we made effortless "discrete progress" and left the others far in our wake.

Granted this guy lives and breaths driving, but it certainly opened my eyes to what is possible with "proper" tuition.

BTW Ben - Being instructed does presuppose you are able to receive instruction from another driver. []

 

[eastendr]

They're just German Cortina's.

Someone else also told me that BMW stood for Bob Marley and the Wailers. Hard to fault his logic really ....

 

[DivineE]

Just to add two additions to the BMW naming...

(B)lack (M)ans (W)heels

(B)ritish (M)iddle class (W)ankers

and further to your comment Jon there are definately tallented drivers in the IAM I did actually finish my trianing with one to prove a point. He is now very confident that I could pass the test should I feel like doing so (which I probably will do some time) but apart from the routines of learing IPSGA and the cockpit drill I can't say anything ahs altered in my driving since I went to them a year ago.

I think its a case of prople who are interested in their driving and enjoy it getting qualifications to show they can do it rather than people becoming good drivers through getting qualifications. Its generally the worst drivers who could do with the information most but have no interest in doing such a course.

As for Nick I suppose someone with that amount of commitment to driving who spends that long doing so and lives on those sorts of roads would be a VERY hard man to catch in his own environment!

Ben

 

[georgethackray]

And a couple from me...

Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Big Money Works
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Born Moderately Wealthy.
Break My Windows
Broken Money Waster
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Brutal Money Waster
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Big Money Waster
Blasphemized Motorized Wreck
B*****d Money Wielders
Bowel Movement Wagon

Shamelessly nicked from http://www.dkgoodman.com/carinitl.html (Porsche lovers shouldn't follow the link!)
It has a couple of other interesting ones:
Renault: Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash
Camaro: Can't America Make A Real One
Mazda: Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Saab: Swedish Automobile, Always Broken
Ford: Fix Or Repair Daily
Fiat: Failure In Automotive Technology

And there's more, but now that I've probably offended 90% of the motoring community, I'm going to duck out for a while!

 

[924nutter]

If you really want to wind them up, buy a 924 turbo, and watch them trying to keep up in their 330Ds. So close, but no cigar for the BMW driver. Unless the guy up my ar5e on the way home deliberately set out be humilated, and was only using 95% throttle. No, he was having a go all right. Actually, humiliated is a bit strong, He couldn't cut across three lanes onto the M4 at Bracknell quicker than I could do it safely, obviously as he was a moving road block behind, and he had to read the words 924 all the way along the M4 to the A404. Even away from the light onto the A404 , antagonisingly, I didn't boot it until he lunged forward. I just giggled and opened it up. I am still giggling now. In the end I let him past just as we crossed the Thames into Bucks, so I could see what sort of BMW was struggling to keep up with a 24 year old 924 turbo, and ah! bless, he even left room for me to pull out past a pantechincon, pantechnikon, panteknichon, removal lorry, but I declined as I was pulling off at the next slip road. No, its all true.

 

[DivineE]

Porsche: Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions

Unfortunately does quite accurately describe 90 of Porsche's I've owned!

 

[John Sims]

Ben,

I can vouch for that as far as your black scooped one was concerned.


Re: Diesel BMW's

I drove Fen's hearse in Scotland and, while I really wanted to hate it, I'd have to concede it was rather good. If I hadn't bought Jasper I might even have considered getting one. [:-]

 

[DivineE]

Don't DO IT!!! Why buy a diesel ANY DIESEL when you can now buy pretty much any variation and shape of car with the VAG 2.0 turbo lump. It will do 35mpg which will cost you about £10 a month more than running a diesel but sounds nice, has a lovely rev band for overtaking and is also clean and dead quiet. Oh and did I mention it was fast too... really fast! Just drive the new golf GTi you will love it I promise. Never ever will I buy a diesel ever!

Ben

 

[Peter_Bull]

ORIGINAL: rob.kellock
Slightly back on thread, I was once advised on a Law Society management course to avoid BMW clients at all costs - Bitchers Moaners and Whiners. Not worth the trouble apparently[]

Er ... Rob ... Ann Marie drives a Beamer .....and she will be with me on the cotswold Rally..... shall I let her read the thread!
She can be fearsome indeed ... but if you swap back your allegance to the 996 Register and get the beers in then I'll promise not to let her know what you said!! []

 

[pauljmcnulty]

Er ... Rob ... Ann Marie drives a Beamer .....and she will be with me on the cotswold Rally..... shall I let her read the thread!
She can be fearsome indeed ... but if you swap back your allegance to the 996 Register and get the beers in then I'll promise not to let her know what you said!!

So - blackmail to get the 996 register back in the lead.....[][]

The prize must be really good - I'll look forward to it![]

 

[John Sims]

ORIGINAL: Peter Bull

Er ... Rob ... Ann Marie drives a Beamer .....shall I let her read the thread!
She can be fearsome indeed ...

So obviously well attuned to driving a BMW then. []