PORSCHE MACAN: TELL ME I'M WRONG
Given the warm reception the Macan's had quite a few probably will tell Dan he's wrong
"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?'" asks Arthur Dent's bypass-building council nemesis in the opening to The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
We took the Macan where most won't - off-road"How much?" asks Dent, lying in the mud in front of said earthmover in an attempt to prevent his house being demolished.
"None at all."
Swap bulldozer for Macan and that's me lying in the mud.
What a difference a few years make, eh? Back in 2002 the arrival of the Cayenne prompted howls of anguish from horrified purists, swiftly drowned out by the ringing of cash registers. It now outsells the 911 pretty much three to one. 500m euros of investment later and, alongside the Panamera and Cayenne, Porsche has the ability to build 50,000 Macans a year at the Leipzig plant. Which looks a pretty conservative estimate.
Beauty must be in the eye of the beholder Test the water
What is the PH stance on the Macan then? I get the feeling it's surprisingly generous and will now sacrifice myself to prove what I fear may be true - I seem to be the only person in the world who has a problem with the Macan.
To be fair to the Porsche it's here copping a wider prejudice I hold against its type. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. The whole SUV/crossover thing is the gated community mindset on four wheels, and just as (oxy)moronic as it is in bricks and mortar. But I'll try not to let generalised inverted snobbery get in the way and focus the argument at a practical level.
Many have praised the Macan - our own review included - for its ability to drive ... like a normal car. So why not just drive a normal car? It's true though, Porsche has taken the uninspiring basis of the Audi Q5 to create something of real dynamic brilliance and dare I say character. The Turbo is smooth and refined on a cruise yet savage and composed enough on a spirited cross country drive to leave you reeling. That's massively impressive, likewise the numbers.
Giant clamshell bonnet cool, contents dittoBut few have asked real questions of what was needed to make the Macan handle like a Porsche. In engineering terms it required dry-sumping the engine to ... lower the centre of gravity. That's got to be one of the most gloriously absurd automotive engineering decisions ever made, right? An entirely logical solution to a totally illogical design brief, dictated by fashion and a mindset that equates elevation over other road users to a sense of self worth.
Oops, sorry, I wasn't going to get personal. Stay on target, Trent.
So you get your dry-sumped engine as standard on your Macan Turbo, ditto your variable PTM four-wheel drive and PDK gearbox. What you don't get are the active locking rear differential and torque vectoring required to make it do the really physics defying things so bewitching of roadtesters and at the heart of many a glowing review. The pointless stuff like improbable power oversteer off slithery roundabouts. Which it does and is as ridiculous (and fun) as it sounds.
Q5 genetics most obvious in profileThat's £1,012 added to your £59,300 bottom line for Porsche Torque Vectoring Plus then, to which you can add the £728 for Sport Chrono to get your Sport Plus faster shifting and additional two tenths off your 0-62 time. Standard 19-inch wheels aren't really enough either, £1,942 21-inch 911 Turbo Designs really the minimum for keeping face at the school gate. There's another one to chalk up to the lazy SUV stereotyping bingo, for anyone still keeping count.
That's an awful lot of technology and engineering dedicated to making the Macan feel like something it's not, all the for the sake of keeping up appearances. Porsche being Porsche it's largely pulled the trick off.
But not without compromises. Name the most common justifications you hear for joining the SUV/crossover clan. I'll take bets they'll include 'oh but I like the visibility and confidence you get from being up high', 'you need the suspension travel for potholes and speed bumps' and vague notions of practicality. But the Macan, like many of its type, suffers from appalling blind spots, a belt line taller than most of the common obstructions you might have to look out for when manoeuvring (bollards, benches, children, other vehicles, etc) and therefore a dependence on sensors, bleepers and (optional) cameras in the absence of actually being able to see. Generously let's call it blind confidence.
Turbo gets unique intakes to mark it outBelieve the hype
And practicality? The need to accommodate huge wheels means significant arch intrusion that robs boot space and pushes the rear bench forward, restricting rear legroom. And that fashionable roofline means a six-footer in the back of a Macan adds head against roof to knees against front seat.
The comfort over bumps question can swiftly be answered the first time 21-inch wheel encounters pothole and the spring and damper rates required to make a Q5 handle like a Macan send a shimmy through the body that'd make an old convertible blush.
Even without playing my joker of the £40K entry level Macan that carries the look - and 1,845kg weight - but is powered by a four-cylinder Golf engine I fear I'm wasting my breath. Even a cursory look underneath the Turbo reveals plenty of Audi-stamped components, proving even at this elevated level Porsche is just skilfully plundering the resources at its disposal to cash in on a profit stream it would be daft to ignore. Brand and image are king - just don't peek behind the curtain.
Abilities on the road are hard to argue withAnd that's my problem. I can admire the engineering. I can appreciate the way it drives. I'm just railing against the blind acceptance that puts material style so far ahead of function and substance. With, I fear, about as much success as Arthur Dent and his bulldozer.
Given the warm reception the Macan's had quite a few probably will tell Dan he's wrong
"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?'" asks Arthur Dent's bypass-building council nemesis in the opening to The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
We took the Macan where most won't - off-road"How much?" asks Dent, lying in the mud in front of said earthmover in an attempt to prevent his house being demolished.
"None at all."
Swap bulldozer for Macan and that's me lying in the mud.
What a difference a few years make, eh? Back in 2002 the arrival of the Cayenne prompted howls of anguish from horrified purists, swiftly drowned out by the ringing of cash registers. It now outsells the 911 pretty much three to one. 500m euros of investment later and, alongside the Panamera and Cayenne, Porsche has the ability to build 50,000 Macans a year at the Leipzig plant. Which looks a pretty conservative estimate.
Beauty must be in the eye of the beholder Test the water
What is the PH stance on the Macan then? I get the feeling it's surprisingly generous and will now sacrifice myself to prove what I fear may be true - I seem to be the only person in the world who has a problem with the Macan.
To be fair to the Porsche it's here copping a wider prejudice I hold against its type. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. The whole SUV/crossover thing is the gated community mindset on four wheels, and just as (oxy)moronic as it is in bricks and mortar. But I'll try not to let generalised inverted snobbery get in the way and focus the argument at a practical level.
Many have praised the Macan - our own review included - for its ability to drive ... like a normal car. So why not just drive a normal car? It's true though, Porsche has taken the uninspiring basis of the Audi Q5 to create something of real dynamic brilliance and dare I say character. The Turbo is smooth and refined on a cruise yet savage and composed enough on a spirited cross country drive to leave you reeling. That's massively impressive, likewise the numbers.
Giant clamshell bonnet cool, contents dittoBut few have asked real questions of what was needed to make the Macan handle like a Porsche. In engineering terms it required dry-sumping the engine to ... lower the centre of gravity. That's got to be one of the most gloriously absurd automotive engineering decisions ever made, right? An entirely logical solution to a totally illogical design brief, dictated by fashion and a mindset that equates elevation over other road users to a sense of self worth.
Oops, sorry, I wasn't going to get personal. Stay on target, Trent.
So you get your dry-sumped engine as standard on your Macan Turbo, ditto your variable PTM four-wheel drive and PDK gearbox. What you don't get are the active locking rear differential and torque vectoring required to make it do the really physics defying things so bewitching of roadtesters and at the heart of many a glowing review. The pointless stuff like improbable power oversteer off slithery roundabouts. Which it does and is as ridiculous (and fun) as it sounds.
Q5 genetics most obvious in profileThat's £1,012 added to your £59,300 bottom line for Porsche Torque Vectoring Plus then, to which you can add the £728 for Sport Chrono to get your Sport Plus faster shifting and additional two tenths off your 0-62 time. Standard 19-inch wheels aren't really enough either, £1,942 21-inch 911 Turbo Designs really the minimum for keeping face at the school gate. There's another one to chalk up to the lazy SUV stereotyping bingo, for anyone still keeping count.
That's an awful lot of technology and engineering dedicated to making the Macan feel like something it's not, all the for the sake of keeping up appearances. Porsche being Porsche it's largely pulled the trick off.
But not without compromises. Name the most common justifications you hear for joining the SUV/crossover clan. I'll take bets they'll include 'oh but I like the visibility and confidence you get from being up high', 'you need the suspension travel for potholes and speed bumps' and vague notions of practicality. But the Macan, like many of its type, suffers from appalling blind spots, a belt line taller than most of the common obstructions you might have to look out for when manoeuvring (bollards, benches, children, other vehicles, etc) and therefore a dependence on sensors, bleepers and (optional) cameras in the absence of actually being able to see. Generously let's call it blind confidence.
Turbo gets unique intakes to mark it outBelieve the hype
And practicality? The need to accommodate huge wheels means significant arch intrusion that robs boot space and pushes the rear bench forward, restricting rear legroom. And that fashionable roofline means a six-footer in the back of a Macan adds head against roof to knees against front seat.
The comfort over bumps question can swiftly be answered the first time 21-inch wheel encounters pothole and the spring and damper rates required to make a Q5 handle like a Macan send a shimmy through the body that'd make an old convertible blush.
Even without playing my joker of the £40K entry level Macan that carries the look - and 1,845kg weight - but is powered by a four-cylinder Golf engine I fear I'm wasting my breath. Even a cursory look underneath the Turbo reveals plenty of Audi-stamped components, proving even at this elevated level Porsche is just skilfully plundering the resources at its disposal to cash in on a profit stream it would be daft to ignore. Brand and image are king - just don't peek behind the curtain.
Abilities on the road are hard to argue withAnd that's my problem. I can admire the engineering. I can appreciate the way it drives. I'm just railing against the blind acceptance that puts material style so far ahead of function and substance. With, I fear, about as much success as Arthur Dent and his bulldozer.
. A Porsche with Audi/VW genetics? - you can’t be serious! Dry sump? – what’s wrong with a dry sump to reduce oil surge on a performance SUV with a high COG? Expensive extras that you expect to find as standard and ridiculous wheel options? – hardly a specific criticism for any Porsche. You find it fun to get “improbable power oversteer off slithery roundabouts†and complain about it! Blind spots – I assume that you have driven a Boxster variant with the roof up/down 
